Creating Supportive Environments
I was blessed to have been a student of Thomas Leonard who is considered by many to be the father of the coaching movement and profession. My first exposure to Thomas was in the mid 1990’s. His book The Portable Coach was published in 1998. The book has been out for a number of years and many of the things that are included in it came from the experiences Thomas had at Coach U and with the many people who came to him for coaching. I am often pleasantly surprised when I realize that what is needed for a client I am working with is something I learned so long ago. The Portable Coach is still a great guide to finding out what is really going on and creating environments that are supportive to us and the fulfillment of our desires.
The work of coaching is really about creating environments that perfectly support our evolution and feel good to us as well. Just as a person who loves scuba diving would not dive in the kelp forests of Monterey Bay without first creating the perfect environmental support for his body (think warm wet suit along with all the other equipment and safety gear essential to that experience) we, as coaches or practitioners, must consider how we will support our clients in creating the environments that feel good to them, support them while integrating the changes that come as a result of our work together and allow them to be their best.
At the heart of coaching is the idea of bridging the gap from where we are to the desired result we wish to experience or be. The gap may be a small one and it may not be. At the very least there will be some things that must be discovered and shifted in order to bridge the gap. Awareness always precedes change and awareness coupled with the tools and processes in the coaches’ toolkit, and the choice to be that which is desired are all integral to the process.
You can design your environments in many different ways. Here are my top 3 ways to create an environment that supports you perfectly!
- Tolerations
Tolerations are everything you are putting up with in your environment. Identifying your tolerations helps you gain perspective on what will be more perfect for you. The idea is to identify these and then take actions that eliminate whatever you are tolerating. Begin by making a list of everything in your environment that you tolerate. There are several categories of tolerations and you will want to group each of them into categories as it makes taking action and eliminating them easier.
Possible categories for tolerations are:
- Relationships
- Home environment
- Office environment
- Clutter
- Vehicle or transportation
- Financial
- Health
- Family
- Expectations, yours and others
Once you have done this ask yourself the following question:
“What one action could I take in each category that would eliminate several of the tolerations on my list?”
Then commit to taking action.
Becoming aware of what you are tolerating also creates an awareness of boundaries and standards that may need to be addressed or adjusted.
- Boundaries and Standards
Creating an environment that perfectly supports us requires becoming aware of our standards and choosing them well, and raising our boundaries. So how do we become aware of our standards, evaluate and revise them and raise our boundaries? And what else is essential if we are to be successful in this venture?
Why this works:
When our standards are too high we are caught up in what seems like an endless to do list. No matter what we accomplish in a day there is still more undone. We are measuring our success by external accomplishments. We are pleasing others at the expense of ourselves. We think we can do it all and we need to do it all. We are often care-taking and feel responsible for the well being of others. We are not choosing consciously those activities that perfectly support us. We fear saying no and act on lots of “shoulds”. Standards are meant to keep you in alignment with your values. Values pull us forward.
Now for the boundary piece:
When our boundaries are not clear we often find that we feel we are the victim of someone else’s greed or clue-less-ness. We may feel that others are taking advantage of us or don’t understand us. We allow others to walk or run all over us. The operative word here is “allow.” It could not happen or be this way if we had not allowed it to be. You see, it is never about anyone else, it is about us. Boundaries are meant to keep us whole.
Standards
The standards we have are choices we make about how we are going to be in our environment. These are the rules we hold ourselves to. They are the rules we live by. Often we find standards that are too high and create an ongoing sense of impossibility.
Here are some examples of standards that you might decide to hold yourself to:
· do not gossip.
· do not yell or raise my voice when speaking to another.
· am respectful of others.
· value my time with my family.
Boundaries
Boundaries are the rules of engagement that we have for our interactions with others. Boundaries are imaginary lines we will not allow another to cross. Think deal breaker in a relationship. In contrast to what we find with standards, most people have boundaries that are too low.
Here are the boundaries that support the standards above:
· I do not allow others to gossip when with me.
· do not allow anyone to yell at me or raise their voice when speaking with me.
· will not be in a relationship with anyone who is disrespectful of others.
· do not take telephone calls during “family times”.
- Communication
Once you have identified and upgraded your standards and decided which boundaries perfectly support you it is a good idea to let others in your circle know that you have changed some of the ways you operate. This is never about another or making another wrong. It is just about you. If you change how you are in relationship to others you must inform them about this change.
So you might say:
“I have realized that I need to change my environment to perfectly support me to be the best I can be. One of the changes I am making is that I will no longer tolerate being around anyone who yells at me or raises his or her voice when talking with me.”
If you find yourself in struggle with any of these areas, you can work with a coach who is well skilled in the Rockit Method of Consciousness Shifting to clear the struggle and support you in creating the best environment for you.
Creating environments that perfectly support us is a choice that comes out of awareness of what does not support or feel good to us. This is not about keeping our focus on what isn’t working. It is about surfacing awareness so we can focus on what will work. Begin today working with these principles and your life will change. You will have more energy and life force available for you and those people and activities you love.