Environments; The Intangibles and Your Environment
We don’t often think about the intangibles in our environments, yet they are critical to creating environments that perfectly support us.
The intangible environment is made up of the 5 following elements:
- Values
- Boundaries
- Standards
- Energy Source
- Reserves
I am choosing to begin the conversation with values because, in my experience, without a clear understanding of what these are, it’s difficult to manage the others.
Values are what pull us forward in life. They are the qualities that are the most important things in your life, the ideas that make your life worth living, the attitudes and behaviors to which you are most naturally drawn.
As Ellen Goodman said; “Values are not trendy items that are casually traded in.”
Recently I was talking with one of my clients and realized that although values stay fairly consistent throughout life; as you grow and evolve, and as you become aware of new information and ideas, your values may change.
For example; when I first became aware of the idea of being present, and then embraced that idea in my life, being present became one of my values. In fact, living in the present moment eclipsed all of my other values because it complemented them and created a new foundational framework for my life.
A few months ago, I was seeing a man who is a great guy and, on the surface, seemed to be a good match for me. As time went by and we got to know each other, it became very clear that our values did not match. I am a person who cares deeply about the environment, chooses organic foods, has been dancing between veganism, vegetarianism and occasional fish for 30 years. I have been recycling for as long as I can remember.
He was a man who felt food didn’t matter and that it wasn’t important what you choose to eat. Although he tolerated my food preferences he clearly did not get them. He felt recycling didn’t matter that everything ended up in the same place anyway. He was just in a different place and his values were clearly different too.
Food choices were just the tip of the iceberg in terms of values disconnect and what I noticed was that whenever I spent time with this person, I felt depleted and exhausted for days. I also noticed that I was not being the best person I could be when we were together.
When I chose to walk away from this relationship everything changed. Within two weeks my energy was back, and I was grateful to this man for causing me to re-engage at a far deeper level with the environmental concerns that are near and dear to my heart.
It’s not my intention to make this person wrong; it is my intention to illustrate how being with someone whose values are different than yours, depletes your energy and takes you off track. Values disconnects can happen in business as well as personal relationships.
One of my clients is an attorney whose expertise is in the area of corporate compliance. She has been a director for a startup company with a great new technology for the last couple of years. She is also corporate counsel for that organization. Recently a couple of the directors in the company violated the shareholder agreement and my client pointed this out. She was outnumbered and they would not reverse their direction. She was exhausted and tired of trying to get them to see things from her viewpoint.
My client made a decision to resign both as a director and as corporate counsel. She did this because the direction the other directors were headed was not congruent with her values. The most amazing thing happened as a result of her actions; they changed their direction and asked her to reconsider, which she did. Often we compromise our values because we are afraid of the outcome. Yet in this case the outcome was fantastic!
When there is a values disconnect in your relationships it requires a lot of energy to be present in that situation.
In my book Rockit Your Life; Reaching the Next Dimension on Your Spiritual Journey, I shared 4 Indicators that let you know when it’s time to reconnect with your values. Here they are!
1. You find yourself torn between things
2. You are feeling drained
3. You have regrets
4. You do not feel good
When you identify your core values, and orient your life around these values, decision making becomes easy!
Boundaries and Standards are part of the intangible environments that support each of us. Without strong boundaries we run the risk of allowing resentment or resignation into our lives. Boundaries are what we hold others to and standards are what we hold ourselves to. Most of us have standards that are too high and boundaries that are too low. The result . . . doormat syndrome! Just kidding, but that can happen.
Consider these two together; a boundary can be something as simple as not getting involved in someone else’s conflict or not allowing business to interrupt your dinner. Boundaries are external. A standard on the other hand is about you, it’s internal. Standards work along with your values as a way to enhance your environment and keep you safe. I am not referring to the safe that comes with fear here.
It’s this idea instead . . .
When you keep yourself safe by making sure your environments support you, that action allows you to be the best you can be!
Your Energy Source
How do you fuel the activities you participate in daily? This is an important question because for many of us the answer is adrenalin. Adrenalin keeps you running and focused on doing and leaves you exhausted at the end of the day.
Passion on the other hand is a renewable fuel . . . you won’t get it from coffee! You get it instead for being engaged in something that makes your heart sing.
I am not saying avoid coffee and caffeinated beverages; I am saying notice if your energy throughout the day is a push, (you are pushing) or a pull, (you are being pulled effortlessly forward). I prefer the pull! What about you?
Consider that the pushing effect leads to burnout and exhaustion and cannot be sustained long-term. Something has to give and it’s usually your well-being.
Reserves for the purpose of this note are about having enough of everything. It could refer to toilet paper, dog food, time, energy, money; it’s the cushion that lets you know you have enough! When you introduce the idea of reserves into your life and you enable your environment to support you in this way you find that, in many areas of life, relaxation replaces worry!
How great is that? Take a look at any area of your life and consider how can I create reserves in this area? Do it and then do it again. Repeat the process until you have no worries about having enough!